Family and Work Conduct that Honors the Lord


Announcements:

  • Prayer for President

Introduction:
*If notice guests – been going through Colossians.*
*Mother’s Day and Father’s Day sermon*
Think about the people and places that you spend the majority of your time. Chances are you will think of family and work. Or school if you are younger – which might feel like work to you! If you’re in school, you’re probably excited that summer break began this week.

The larger part of our lives is spent around family and work. And that makes the verses that we’ll be looking at today some of the most practical in all of Scripture. They teach us about how to conduct ourselves in our home and work lives in a way that honors the Lord.

Because we spend so much time with family and at work or school, that makes these places the most likely where we are to encounter conflict. Family life in particular – which should be one of the most peaceful and joyful aspects of our lives – can be one of the most common sources of disharmony and conflict. Divorce rates are very high and conflict between kids and parents is pervasive.

Work situations are not much better, with many people only spending a few years at each job before moving on. A lot of people approach their job with the attitude – How can I do as little as possible and make as much money as possible? As numerous people with that attitude shift from job to job, the managers and working employees grow frustrated as their own workloads increase to unreasonable levels as the pick up the slack. They get fed up with where they work and then move on somewhere else.

The verses that we’re going to look at today would cause these problems to become much, much less common if people were to just put them into practice in their lives. Considering how common the problems are, it’s ironic, then, that these verses are also very controversial. Wives don’t like the commandment to “submit.” Husbands don’t like the commandment to “love their wives as Christ loved the church.” Children don’t like the commandment to “obey your parents in everything.” Employees don’t like the commandment to “obey their bosses in everything”. And many bosses certainly fall short of the commandment to be just and fair with their employees.

But, well, what can I say? The results of disregarding the Bible speak for themselves. Maybe it’s out of fashion and taboo to talk about the sorts of things I’m planning to this morning – but with family and work life looking like they do now, then I say these verses should not be out of fashion or taboo.

Text: Colossians 3:18-4:1
Theme: Family and Work Conduct that Honors the Lord
Verses 3:18-19
The first relationship that is discussed is the first human relationship to have occurred on earth – husband and wife. It is the ground basis of family relationships and without it families couldn’t exist. When God first created Adam, He decided that it was not good that Adam should be alone. All other aspects of God’s creation were declared good upon God’s inspection. But Adam’s singleness was declared “not good.” God then determined to “make a helper fit for him.”

A lot of people have a lot of problems with this husband and wife relationship. They have problems with the heterosexual nature of this relationship. They have problems with the word “helper.” They have problems with the word “submit.” They have problems with the extreme nature of the self-sacrificial love the husband is called to.

Let’s talk about these things. First, I want to say that the words “helper” and “submit” do not imply inferiority as is often claimed. On what basis do I say that “helper” and “submit” do not imply inferiority?

The word “helper” is “ezer” in Hebrew. And this word is frequently used to describe God’s relationship to man. Exodus 18:4 says “The God of my father was my helper (ezer).” Deuteronomy 33:26 says “There is none like God, O Jeshurun, who rides through the heavens to your help (ezer).” Psalm 33:20 says “Our soul waits for the Lord; he is our help (ezer) and our shield.” In fact, of all the times that this word occurs in the Old Testament it is used 16 times to talk about God helping mankind and only 5 times to talk about people helping other people. God is a helper. He is called that a lot in the Bible. Is God therefore inferior to mankind? Certainly not!

The idea that helping another person makes you inferior to that person is definitely not a biblical concept. If anything, the helper is superior to the one being helped because the emphasis of the Bible is on serving and helping others. But that’s not what is being said here either. Genesis’ description of the woman as a helper in Genesis 2 is simply saying that it’s not good for a man to be alone; he needs someone to help him along.

So, let’s talk about submit now. The first time that this word occurs in the New Testament it is to say that Jesus was submissive to His parents. Is Jesus inferior to Mary and Joseph for doing so? Nope.
So, neither submission nor helping are statements of value or worth.

So what then does it mean to submit? First, submit is a different word from obey. Notice that children are told to obey their parents in everything and bondservants are told to obey their masters in everything but wives are told to submit to their husbands. Wives are never told to obey their husbands, much less in everything.

That’s not to say that obedience isn’t implied with the word submit. But the emphasis is different. Firstly, the relationship of parents toward children and masters (or bosses) towards servants (or employees) is one of giving instruction and commandments. Parents tell their children – go do chores, do your homework, listen to my instruction, clean your room. Masters (or bosses) tell their servants (or employees) to go do their job, order more inventory, adjust your teaching style, tend to this patient.

The reason that the word “submit” is used here, instead of “obey in everything” as in the other relationships, is because this relationship is not to function in a command based way. Anybody who has been married any length of time has learned that a relationship where one individual bosses the other around all the time is not a fulfilling relationship. That’s not marriage. That’s slavery.
The husband who thinks that the word “submit” means he now has a license to sit on the couch all day and say “wife bring me a beer,” “wife where is my remote?,” “wife do the dishes,” “wife make me a sandwich,” has got the wrong idea of the husband and wife relationship. That looks more like a boss and employee relationship.

However, having said that, submit does have meaning and it does imply a level of obedience. What submission means is to bring yourself into a subordinate relationship with the other and to follow the leadership of the other. Functionally, this means that when family and other life decisions need to be made, the wife is to follow the leadership of her husband.
Let’s give an example. Let’s say that one or both members of a marriage have a new job opportunity somewhere. They discuss the matter but are at a bit of an impasse about whether to take the opportunity or not. In such a circumstance, the calling of the wife is to follow the lead of her husband.
A child has disobeyed and the husband and wife need to discipline the child. They have different ideas about how it should be done. The wife submits to her husband.
The husband notices that the wife is in need of medical care, so he tells her she needs to go see a doctor. She doesn’t really think she needs to, but she goes anyway.

Now, you might not like that, but that is what is being described here.

Let’s talk about the commands that are given to the husband. I think after we talk about the husband’s responsibility to the wife that you won’t feel this setup is as unfair as you might be feeling right now.
The husband is told two things, one is to love their wives, and the other is to not be harsh with them.

On husbands loving their wives, Ephesians 5:25 has a stronger phrasing. It says “husbands love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” And in fact it goes on for several more verses after that, but that’s the core of it.

Jesus loved the church so much that He died to save the church. He carried the sickness and bore the sufferings and iniquities of the church to the cross. So husbands are to love their wives to the extent of dying for their wives. And they are the ones that are to bear upon themselves suffering.
Jesus’ love for the church led Him to wash the feet of His disciples. The wives now ask “where is my manicure?” Haha.

The husband should be the burden carrier. The sacrificer. When a situation comes up that someone needs to do the hard work, or someone needs to suffer in the place of the other, the husband should stand and say “I will do it.”
When someone breaks into the house at night, the husband says “stay here wife and call the police, I will go and defend this family.”
When money is tight and the kids are hungry, the husband says “I will get a second job.”
When the pickle jar needs opened the husband says “I will open it.” Haha!
I think there is a reason that widows are much more common than widowers and it has to do with the calling upon the man to be the burden carrier, to handle the stressful situations, to take the heat, to die protecting if needs be.

Secondly, the husband is to not be harsh with his wife. Really, harshness isn’t compatible with love – this could probably fall under the same principle. But it’s noted in particular because women tend to feel things more strongly emotionally than men do. And sometimes men fail to understand that or to react to it appropriately.

You know, women tend to cry a lot more than men. I think I’ve cried maybe 3 times in recent memory, and all of them were tears of joy. Once was at our marriage, once was at the end of the Lord of the Rings, and once was during the opening credits of Star Wars episode 7. It takes something pretty serious to make me cry, obviously.

But girls, you know, sometimes the room is too hot. Sometimes you can’t find where the car was parked. Sometimes the casserole turned out not so good. Men ought not to be harsh with their wives. Be tender – “yes, yes the casserole, I know dear.” Not – “it’s just a casserole – get over it!” We need the reminder not to be harsh, because we can sometimes forget the differences between us.

One final note – the wife and the husband’s responsibilities are a lot easier when they are both doing what they should be doing. When one or the other is not, it becomes more difficult. And you are responsible for your own side of the marriage. You can’t make the other person do theirs. So let both people focus on fulfilling their own part.

Link: Alright well there are several other verses to cover this morning, so let’s move on.

Verses 3:20-21
While we are still fresh off husbands and wives, I’ll talk about this note to fathers first. In both Colossians and the similar passage in Ephesians, it only says “fathers, do not provoke your children.” Neither of these gives the command to the mother.
That’s not because it is OK for mothers to provoke their children. Nobody should be provoking anybody, really. Just like the fact that it says to husbands not to be harsh with their wives doesn’t mean that it is OK for wives to be harsh with their husbands. So too husbands in particular need the note not to provoke their children.
If you were to ask someone “which parent tended to provoke you?” The answer will more often be “my father did.” It won’t always be. But more often it will be. And I think it boils down to the fact men tend to be less sensitive. And so fathers are told not to provoke their children.

This is so they will not become discouraged – or to put it another way – to lose heart. It’s describing that state where the child just says “I don’t want to try anymore,” or “I don’t like this anymore,” or “I don’t care anymore,” or “I never get it right.”

It’s like this: when you are training your child to do something, you need to remember that they are still a child. Say you’re training a young child to pitch in baseball. You want them to learn how to throw a curveball. Be careful, in your fathering, that you don’t turn them off baseball altogether by doing things that provoke them to anger: repeatedly and sternly saying “why aren’t you getting this right?” “what’s wrong with you?” “no, no, no – this way!”

Such things lead to anger developing in the child and them reaching a state of discouragement or losing heart. Parents and fathers in particular need to remember that their child is still a child, prone to discouragement, and to raise them in that knowledge.

On the part of children, they are to obey their parents – both father and mother – in everything. Now in saying, in everything, it obviously excludes things that are sinful. Ephesians says “children, obey your parents in the Lord” – so in accordance with the Lord’s teaching. That said – if your parents are believers – there is a pretty good chance that they know better than you do what is sinful and what is not sinful.

I know what it’s like to be a kid. Your parents do too. We were all kids once. And the tendency is to try to find loopholes. To say “well, the Bible doesn’t say I can’t listen to this music.” Or “the Bible doesn’t say that I can’t watch this TV show.” “The Bible doesn’t say that I can’t go here or do that.” “But Jimmy’s parents let him do that.”

Listen, your parents know what they are talking about and you are to obey your parents in everything. Parents don’t exist to spoil fun, I promise. You might think that they do. But they draw no pleasure from spoiling your fun, really. If your parents are telling you not to go here or listen to this or do that, they are trying to help you. They love you and care about you and they were just like you once. So unless it is something obviously sinful that they are telling you to do – you need to be obeying them.
When I was your age, all the time I was thinking my parent’s instructions and rules were unfair. Now that I’m older I’ve realized – they were right. Almost all of the problems I’ve had in life were from departing from my parent’s instructions. Children, obey your parents in the Lord in all things.

Link: Alright, one more relationship described in these verses. In biblical terms it is bondservants and masters. In our context today, it’s employers and employees.

Verses 3:22-4:1
Bondservants could also be translated slaves. The main reason that “bondservants” is not usually translated slaves is because it means something much broader than what people tend to think of when they think of slavery. When an English speaking person thinks of slavery, they probably think of the foul and evil thing that used to go on a few hundred years ago when people would capture others from villages and force them into lifelong servitude in menial labor.

Sometimes that happened in New Testament times. Much more often it happened because someone owed someone else a debt. It could happen in war too. A lot of times people would actually willingly become bondservants because it would actually increase their quality of life. And bondservants could be many more things beyond heavy laborers back then. They could be teachers, messengers, accountants, cooks, cleaners, tutors, advisors, and so on. In the Roman world, sometimes being a bondservant was a path toward citizenship and eventually nobility.

Because of this, the principles of bondservants and masters can easily carry over into our system of employees and employers today.

Employees are told to obey their bosses in everything. If your boss tells you to do something that is not sinful and is in your job description – then this should be a no-brainer. You need to obey them. You have signed a contract agreeing to do these things. And your work should be done with good effort and as unto the Lord. You should work regardless of whether your boss is actively watching you or not. You should do it in the knowledge that the Lord is watching, that you are serving Christ. Do it to please Him. If there is something that you do when the boss is not around that you won’t do when they are – then you shouldn’t be doing that thing.

The question pops up – “well, what if what they tell me to do is outside of my job description? It’s not sinful, but it’s outside of my job description.” That’s a tough question that the Bible doesn’t directly answer because it didn’t work like that back then. But I would say that if your boss is asking you to do something outside of your job description, then there is a good chance they are not treating you justly and fairly by doing that. Just and fair is sticking to the terms of the contract. In such a situation, I would point out to them that what they are asking you to do is not a part of the original contract. If this is something that they would like for you to do, then the just and fair thing would be to renegotiate the contract.

If it’s some kind of emergency that they couldn’t anticipate or something – then you might consider doing it once or twice out of an act of self-sacrificial love and kind testimony. Your boss doesn’t know everything so let’s give some grace and mercy. But I think it wise to point out that what has been asked was not in the contract. And to consider looking for a different place of employment, if possible, if your boss continues to act this way. That’s the really wonderful thing about the employer and employee relationship as opposed to the master and bondservant. If you can find a better job somewhere else, you have the freedom to do that. If your boss is terrible, you have the freedom to say good-bye!

The truth is though; most contracts are pretty open-ended on what bosses can ask their employees to do for this very reason. And as I said, if you’ve signed a contract to do that work then you really need to be obeying your boss in it. Even unbelievers recognize this.

Bosses are not let off the hook and allowed free reign to do whatever they want. The Bible tells them to treat employees justly and fairly, knowing that they have a master in heaven. If a boss takes advantage of their employee by getting extra-unpaid work out of them – they are sinning. If the boss is doing very little, rolling in the money while their employee goes hungry – they are sinning. Yes – fairly is ισοτης, it means equitable or equal proportion and is used in the Bible to talk about the distribution of money. The money given to employees should be proportional to what they do. So if you are a boss, you make a lot of money, you don’t do a lot, but your employees do – then you need to consider giving some pay raises if it’s within your power to do so. It’s the equitable thing to do.
Pay should be proportional to work, not according to favorites.

Conclusion:

  • Wives – Submit
  • Husbands – Love
  • Children – Obey
  • Fathers – Don’t Provoke
  • Employees – Obey
  • Bosses – Just and Fair